I've always struggled with weight and body image issues. At one point in my life, I was content, and was at peace with my body. I used to be a skinny (albeit curvy) child and upon hitting puberty, I began seeing my weight as a problem. I went from a size 26 jeans to a size 30 and from 48kg to 57kg in 4 1/2 years. It definitely didn't help to see my schoolmates maintaining their slender figures while I seem to be increasing fat mass. Midway through my final year in secondary school, my mum and I joined a jazz dance class at her friend's studio for a couple of months. At the same time I'd been working on boosting my self-esteem (I had issues fitting in in school) and was saved by self-help books like:
Those books helped me feel better about myself and gave me a more positive outlook on life as a whole. I was happy again. It resulted in me dropping the excess weight and weighing between 45-49kg for a good 3-4 years. I felt confident, was outgoing, and felt good in my clothes. I had better stamina and enjoyed immersing myself in badminton.
Somewhere along the way, I began to forget the values and positivity that I've learnt and words were beginning to affect me again. Comments telling me I needed to lose weight and that I was either too thin or that I've gained weight (expressed with utter shock) took a toll on me. In addition to that, my enthusiasm and over-packed schedule of campus activities led me to neglect the most essential part of my health, eating right and on time which in turn triggered a gastric attack. My vision became like "TV snow" and my limbs were weak. I tried to eat and ended up throwing up in the car on the way back to college. My friends took me to the campus clinic ward and who knows what jabs were given to me during my half-conscious condition. The following days while recovering, my stomach got so bloated I looked like I was 6 months pregnant!
Consequent to that incident, my weight began to climb and losing weight got harder than it used to. Gaining a mere 5kg brought on comments of how much weight I've gain, how much heavier I looked and the likes. People were telling me that I should start dieting, cutting out rice completely and skipping meals. My fat percentage at the time was 26% which was acceptable and yet I was feeling more and more uncomfortable in my own skin. Sure I wasn't wearing a size XS but I could still fit in sizes S and M. I joined a dance class and when I got back home I joined a gym at a local hotel. None of that helped.
I've tried everything from slimming supplements, slimming centres to nutrition drinks to shed the pounds. I tried going for LesMills classes and signed up for a gym membership a few years ago until they closed down. So anyways, back to what I started out to say, I've decided to put my life back in order and work on improving my fitness levels, be healthier and feeling more comfortable in my own skin and clothes. This time around, I'm going back to basics and have signed up for a gym membership along with my brother for company and support (and motivation). So while he works on getting buff, I'll be working on achieving my ideal weight and lower my fat percentage. To ensure I'm doing the right types of exercises and to further assist to motivate me reach my goals, I've engaged a personal trainer to jump start my weight loss and fitness journey.
The first week has been tough on my physically and mentally. Being at a level of fitness that has room for a lot of improvement, I struggle with keeping my eyes on the prize. During my first session, I had to do 3 sets of steps exercise (barely got through the last set), light weight shoulder presses, an exercise my dance instructor used to call "step-bone-change", and jumping jacks. My heart was pounding so hard at the end of the session I was almost scared for the next session. Then I went for cardio sessions on the treadmill and elliptical. My trainer gave me a target of 500kcal to burn and let me tell you, it's not as easy when you're fitness level is only subpar. Took me 55mins to burn 400kcal on the treadmill changing up the inclination and speed as I go. Another day I attempted the 500kcal target once again but this time I broke it into 2 sets of 250kcal each. Spent over half an hour on both the elliptical machine and the treadmill respectively to achieve that workout target.
Last night, was my second workout session with my trainer. We did strength training this time round which I actually enjoyed despite the muscle fatigue that ensued. We worked triceps, biceps, chest, shoulders and back. I'm not going to lie, it was hard. Half way through the sets my arms were trembling and my hands were shaking as I picked up my water bottle for a drink. Found it somewhat hilarious at the same time. My shoulder and arm muscles struggled with the shoulder presses but all in all, I made it through the hour long session and quite proudly so.
The aftermath? Sore muscles. I was up pretty early today too which is weird. And I was famished!! Woke up at 6.10am and after laying around catching up on tweets, I couldn't stand the acidity in my stomach and jumped out of bed and grabbed the easiest available food -- Koko Krunch cereal with low fat milk. Not the best as far as filling power but it worked albeit temporarily.
This isn't quite the healthiest day cos breakfast was at about 7.00am and it's 3.15pm now and I'm still stuck at my office desk hungry for lunch. Yes, another challenge I forgot to mention. I am a workaholic. I really need to ease on the work and take better care of myself.
That's it for now. An overview of my struggles and my baby steps to better health, fitness and weight.
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